"i'm telling you from where i sit you're one of a kind"

I've been listening to Griffin House a lot. Thanks Amy for that new musical obsession. That, and Sugarland's "Very Last Country Song." What can I say? It's been running through my head. If life stayed the way that it was & lovers never fell out of love, if memories didn't last so long, if nobody did nobody wrong, if we knew what we had before it was gone, if every road led back home...

This evening it started snowing briefly, for the very first time this year. It's rather a mess out now, but we all ran outside for a minute, stood there shivering in sweatshirts and boots and blankets. It was bright and sunny this morning. Spent five hours in the Oxford IT getting my laptop de-virused, and emerge into the rain. English weather. Still, walking through the parks this morning was beautiful. And after my fiction tutorial, I actually felt excited to sit down and write. I haven't yet, but at least now I have a better sense of what I need to do.

Also discovered the marvelous fact that Oxford does indeed have a Masters program in creative writing. Absurdly competitive--only 14 slots and about 150 applicants--but in a lovely twist of fate, my literature tutor is the Director of it. I actually might be able to come back here, work, write, live. I really might be able to.

Like any place, the initial euphoria has worn off a bit--New York was always the same way for me after a while--but I'm more in love with this city than I've been with anywhere else. It's cosmopolitan& suburban, academic & arty, comfortable & surprising. At the very least, that sense of calm I felt on arriving almost a month ago has yet to evaporate. That's never happened to me before.

"Just be," Amy keeps telling me. "That's all you can do." It's hard not to look at her and want what she has--if only because she's integrating more easily, and I keep trying to do just that. Perhaps I shouldn't have arrived with any sort of expectations, but after last year/this past summer, I needed to have some & I needed to get away. Coming here was probably the best thing I could have done for myself.

Marty, written to me: "you are beautiful. you are smart. you have an amazing career ahead of you. please, please do not settle for someone who is not worthy of your affections. you are at a whole different level than all the men you've ever been with...i am half inclined to start a committee to approve michelle's male interests! (in that case, you should meet some of my fairfield friends--they would love to assist you)...things tend to jump up and bite you in the ass a lot of the time. so chin up! i love you, and i don't love everybody. go live your life!"

This is why we have best friends. To remind us of these things.

Tonight, I am going to watch Harry Potter, I think. It is that kind of night.