To shamelessly quote Gossip Girl:

"When I was young, Bukowski put a shot glass on my head and blew it off with a pistol. Find your Bukowski."

Hah.


I think I just thought this would be easier than it actually is. The fantasy & the reality haven't quite conflated, that's all. Give it time, right? Maybe. Maybe it is still early.

Besides, even with the fantasy there are problems. I want to be so in love with this place & these people that leaving in June will break my heart. I want long-standing friendships and trans-atlantic packages, inside jokes & cute boy love-affairs. I want what I idealized, and maybe some of that I will get and maybe some of it I won't, and maybe some of it I already have.

These last few weeks have turned me into an insomniac. Re-visiting a normal sleeping schedule. Add that to the list of things to do over break.

Maybe, as Amy would say, I'm just being fussy.

But there's only so much time, you know?

Maybe my problem is that I'm always looking for something.

And that's enough introspection for now.