home for christmas.

Home, finally. Got into JFK earlier than expected last night, after traveling for over 15 hours, though it took me another three hours to get to Fairfield, and I pretty much dragged my stuff into my room & crashed. The flight was calm overall, though I had a major panic attack right before we took off, and started crying & hyperventilating. The guy across the aisle from me flagged down a stewardess, who came over, talked me down, got me a pillow from first class, and a free bottle of wine--which was lovely, though I didn't take more than a few sips, fearing that mixing alcohol & Xanax couldn't be good, though, once again, the Xanax did nothing. I absolutely need to figure out some way to not be so terrified. I have another two flights back & forth from Oxford, and then all the traveling Amy & I will be doing over spring break. I can't go through life being this scared.


I keep delaying unpacking. It's always such a pain in the ass. Though I will start that momentarily. And once that is done, perhaps bake cookies & watch something in front of my Christmas tree. Being home is strange. Everything, of course, is so familiar but I feel like I'm seeing it--and myself--with entirely new eyes.